I just came off a 3-day vision retreat for an organization. The gathering was to support a vision for a healing center that has been incubating for about 5 years. It was also a personally transformative experience and one I was not really expecting to have-which are usually the most important and significant. Somewhat like being struck by a random bolt of lightening.
Without getting into the personal stuff, suffice it to say that speaking my truth remains and on-going growing edge. Learning it was "safe," to tell the truth even when I felt like I was going to die doing so has been a long, challenging and incredibly healing process. I remember the first time I did so like it was yesterday, although it is almost 30 years ago!
It still takes a lot for me to call forth that Kali energy, when I am in group environments and the odds might be stacked against me. It is the Kali energy that feels this need to cut through an illusion or something that feels false, no matter how it is perceived by others. I know she lives inside me now and is my archetype to the continued transformation of my self as a woman-and a woman unwilling to be manipulated or projected upon.
I took on a pretty big challenge during this weekend and risked not being "liked," or the nice "girl," who went along with some of the ideas being thrown into the circle, yet I knew I was invited to be there as a member for a reason. I believe that reason, is my ability to intuit and search for the truth in the moment.
Old patterns die hard and my voice trembled as I spoke the words of my truth. It was a terrifying and VERY EMPOWERING moment! It is wonderful how those dualities can live in the exact same space isn’t it? This is where the moment of transformation lives. It is in that exact second when we lean into our fear, and take the risk anyway that let’s us know we are capable of leaping tall buildings in a single bound! Many of the women in the circle thanked me for speaking so honestly during the weekend, as did one of the men. This man was the real deal ladies. He’s done his work, continues to do so and walks his talk! He has a very big wonderful heart! He is also so humble, which is a quality lacking in most of us and one I admire very much.
It was 3-days of personal growth and I was left a bit out of sorts. I knew there was still some stuff to process. I had lunch with a new friend who is a healer and powerful woman in her own right. She was on her way to do a Sun Dance and was brought into my life by a mutual friend. There are no accidents…this I know. With her, I released the last of the negative remnants from this event and embraced the powerful and positive ones, and now feel clear about my place in this circle. She helped me to find my way back to my center and congratulated me for speaking my truth and the truth that many women hold, but cannot yet speak. When leaving lunch with her I felt as if I reclaimed myself and who I know I am at my core. Honest, loving, truthful and pretty damn FEISTY!
Contribute: How have you leaned into your fear to speak your truth?