In the first blog post entry, on Page 34 in my book. I share a moment on June 1 2007, when I climbed Red Hill, which overlooks our sacred Mt. Sopris, here in Carbondale. I was waiting to hear back from the publishers and had spent the last 72 hours working like a wild woman, to give them the last pieces of the puzzle so they could make a final decision. It had been a roller coaster ride up until that point-seems like most of these BIG LIFE things go that way for me-and I needed to do something to release move the energy I was feeling inside.
I hiked up to the top and as I walked, reviewed the weekend I had just spent putting together a different perspective for the publisher. I felt confident and somewhat exhausted. What I knew in my heart was that I had done everything humanly possible in the physical sense to make the book a go, the rest was up to…well…you know…
As I hiked, a plan began to simmer. It was time to let the WORLD know I was ready. It was also time to let the BIG U know too. When I reached the top, I walked out to the rock cropping. As I sat down on the rock, I looked back at the trail to see if anyone was behind me. I closed my eyes, said a prayer, took a deep breath and shouted from the top of my lungs to the Valley floor below, "I AM READY!!!" My biggest fear in that moment, was that someone would think I was getting ready to jump! Once my heart stopped racing, I was able to feel how incredible it felt to shout my intention for all to hear, a bold, announcement of my readiness to put myself out there in this way…as an author. WOW, I have to tell you, as I write this, I still find it hard to believe it was that long ago, as it feels like yesterday!
Fast forward to today…January 16, 2010. It has been an incredible couple of weeks stepping into this new decade. So much has transpired over the last 3 months, we are in our new space, I am learning to work in partnership, I am teaching again and LOVING IT and we have started to attract vibrant teachers to our space. A lot more was going on behind the scenes, that I have not shared. All of it good…but quite the wild ride!
I am standing at a cross roads in my life with a BIG decision before me. It's been weeks of number crunching and putting my on my Big, Feisty, Business Woman Panties! It has been challenging to stay positive among the daily economic forecasts, a bombing attempt at Christmas while I traveled home, and now the heart breaking devastation in Haiti. Yet, I kept walking forward, working with my Venomous Toads, keeping them happy by gathering information, all the while knowing a decision was looming.
And suddenly, the most amazing miracle that occurred. The dream space for the permanent for our studio opened up!!! AND…R U READY…wildest thing is that I DREW IT INTO MY JANUARY ART of INTENTION as it wasn't in the picture!!!!
The issue remains a fiscal one and as we are all aware right now, that is no small issue. What is so strange dear readers is that I have seen myself inside that space looking out the window all along, and I can't get it out of my minds eye!!! It won't let go, for weeks now. I see the bustling energy, I see others in the space, I hear laughter, music, drumming and so much love and healing. I FEEL the vision in the depths of my SOUL!
What I came to today, is that in this decision it boils down to two things….staying the same… or GROWING! My tendency is to play it safe. As those of you know who have worked with me, I am an advocate of small baby steps toward your dreams. Build the foundation, then leap. And here I stand on top of the mountain and what I am realizing is that I am at a crossroads. One path that lies before me is the comfortable, and well worn path of safety. The other path is different. It's going to involve bush wacking through some very new territory and require courage to step into the unknown with faith, sweat equity a butt load of TRUST! It's going to require that lean into FEAR and uncertainty and give myself permission to expand from the contracted, warm, cocoon, and embrace the possibilities I SEE already in my minds eye.
And so today I knew it was time to revisit the Mountain. This time I was not alone, Blue was at my side. Together we climbed Red Hill and with each step I took, I looked inside and asked myself to SEE through the illusion of fear, and to step into truth, integrity and WISDOM which feels much different. We got to the top, and once again I walked out to the outcropping. Interestingly, this time I felt much calmer inside-except for moments when my little black, billy goat was looking over the edge!
This time there was a prayer of gratitude, recognition for what has manifested since my last visit. I then whispered a new prayer, asking for guidance, strength and releasing my ego. And then I shot this photograph.
I don't know what decision I will make in the end, nor will I have any judgement about it, as I will trust that I've made it with all the information I need. My only desire is to make the decision from an empowered position and not from fear…
Stay tuned…I'll let you know soon, which path I am traveling….