Aspengrovehike

"Nature has an interesting way of acting as a metaphor for our lives. I learned this from my husband, who is completely at home in the natural world, except on horses, which I find endearing as that is where I am at home, as I have ridden since childhood. Since moving to Colorado, I have learned so much about myself by interacting with nature and her elements, especially about how fear impacts my life.

"Before I moved to Colorado, my life was completely fear based. Most things seemed beyond my reach and impossible. My self-esteem and knowledge that I could take care of myself, was not firmly rooted, in fact, it was pretty non-existent. Within months of taking my job in Aspen, I actually went through a brief period of panic attacks shortly after moving here. I had never had a panic attack in my life, I knew depression, but this was not something I had ever experienced and quite frankly, it was awful.  I believe that time was a true shedding of an old belief system that no longer served me. It was a historical layer one I was carrying in Robert Bly’s "black bag,"  and I now knew it was not mine to hold any longer. It was a hellish time, moving to a new place, taking on a new job and and not having a sense of community, but most initiations are. Persephone’s journey is not an easy one, yet in the end, she became Queen of the Underworld and was no longer a naive maiden."

"My body was feeling rested and almost pain free this morning. I
decided to take another hike, to stretch my muscles, this time with a
light pack, water and pepper spray, so I would be ready to venture
further if spirit called me.
Last night I read about ceremony in Soulcraft. Of vision fasts that allow us to say goodbye to the old and allow what is new to surface. I set off on my walk, but realized I had forgotten to put a new battery pack in my camera. I headed back to my car. As I lifted the hatch I saw her. Wonder Woman was calling to me. It is time to let me go. This doll was given to me a couple of years ago by my friend Linda, after getting my first-and hopefully last-bout of bronchitis. I had written a story about the experience, after reading it, Linda dropped the doll off at my house with a get-well bag of healing goodies. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do; it was time to lay Wonder Woman to rest. After awhile I came to a clearing. It was a beautiful meadow with an
old weathered log right in the center of the circle. I knew I had
arrived, so I sat down on the log and just tuned in to the sounds
around me.
"

Wonderwoman

"Although I feel as if I have made some steps to integrate my this aspect of myself-my inner Wonder Woman-I could now see the shadow element of this archetype very clearly. I saw the protected part of me that learned to take care of herself, as she came to believe that this was the only way to survive. It had a lot to do with a lack of trust in my world. As with most shadow elements, it kept me safe, but at this stage of my life, it had turned on its edge, and was way too powerful and no longer healthy. The Wonder Woman archetype was representative of the part of me that hates to ask for help, that feels uncomfortable receiving and learned to expect that carrot at the end of the stick phenomenon-“there is a price for everything, get used to it!” She pushes ahead even when exhausted, is ready to take on the world and whatever needs to be done, no matter what her body and spirit might want."

"I laid Wonder Woman to rest under a bed of cottonwood bark. As I put her down, a woodpecker began the drumming in service to our ceremony. It felt appropriate to leave her in the softness of this beautiful green wooded meadow. I honestly think we were both ready for something different. I can’t imagine what it must be like to carry the weight of Wonder Woman as a full time job. I only seem to do it part time and that was more then enough!"

"I said a final goodbye and began to walk back down the trail.  As I walked, I realized something about Wonder Woman as an archetype, she was not who she appeared on the surface. She had to hide the part of her that was strong and powerful. For many years I did the same thing. I once had a psychic look at me and say, “Why do you keep yourself so small?” It was actually a shocking moment, I felt like she has seen right through me, as it was very true at the time and a turning point in my personal growth.  When I reflected again on Wonder Woman, I realized that in hiding the core of who she was, her powerful self, she was set up to live her life as a duality and in that respect could never be integrated or authentically herself."

"After 3 days of silence and rest, and my back beginning to feel whole again, I realize I can’t keep pushing in this way. It is unhealthy and unproductive. It is time to integrate the dualities and in laying Wonder Woman to rest, I am hoping I have taken my first step toward this integration.  The weather began to change and it looked like rain might be coming so I began to head down the trail to the yurt. As a walked, I heard, “Inner strength is different then might.”  Yes, it is completely different. What a beautiful new mantra! Inner strength would know how to ask for help, and not be afraid to so. Inner strength would be accepting and grateful of help when it is offered and not suspect of the motive or the potential “carrot.” I felt incredibly peaceful as I got to the bottom of the trail, like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Hmmm… interesting a weight off my back…"

"When I returned to the yurt and lifted the hatch of my car, a light sprinkle of rain began to fall, like gentle tears on my shoulders. I took it as a sign that a healing had happened for both Wonder Woman and I this morning.  I want to believe that she is happy and free, content in her new soft space, and as a result of this ritual, and bringing this understanding to light, we can both begin to heal the negative shadow element of the archetype of Wonder Woman."

8:30 pm

The moon has risen and mars is with her. The deer have descended and come to say their goodbyes…hopefully until next time. I pray there will be another time to spend in this sacred and magical environment.

After a sunset meditation on the deck this poem came to me.

Sun Dancer

And when she danced the
winds blew,
the thunder roared,
and the sky grew
DARK

And when the dance was
COMPLETE
she raised her arms in
ecstasy and surrender
to the
Sun

I am so filled up that I am over flowing. My back feels almost completely healed. I don’t know if I will ever be able to express my gratitude to Barbe, but my sense is that words won’t be necessary. I think she will know and understand the gift she has given me. 

Tomorrow…homeward bound

Yurtsolo3

Blog It: How has Wonder Woman lived inside you as a woman?

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